ham salad; or, "beyond the meat curtains"

it was recently pointed out to me that 99.9% of my blog entries have something to do with vaginas--some kind of horrifying version of a vagina, right? like a dripping one with teeth? or something else i wrote about "consumption?" i don't really remember. anyway, i was told it should be a theme. like, my "thing," like, what this blog is "all" "about."

however, i think that cheapens my little nuggets of horror whimsy, so we're gonna talk about a penis really fast just to mix things up:

ALIEN (1979)



that looks like a penis.



talk about unwanted erections! the boner to kill all boners! mega-bone! boned-to-death!



and, just in case you wanted like, a second penis or something (can you really ever have just one?) you can buy this!



the boner monster kit, for the lonely dude in us all.



alright, alright. i'll be serious, i guess. ridley scott did something pretty sweet here, and i'm sure you all know that, but really, this penis monster is awesome. we've got a male victim for once (the always great john hurt), and he quite literally dies in some kind of perverse child birth. the baby alien penetrates from the inside out, almost mocking john hurt's lack of birth canal. is this, like, a truly feminist moment, you guys? or is it just gross?

really, i just enjoy this nuance--hurt's death is the most graphic in the film, and though the hyperbolic nature of it (and the "team" atmosphere of the ship's crew) sort of overshadows the gender flip here, it's really nice to have a DUDE be the first one down, and not only that, he's killed by a boner! ha-ha.

anyway, this is a part of what makes the entire movie this fantastic "feminist" piece (i use that word reluctantly, for obvious reasons)--sigourney weaver's character is never sexualized (except maybe at the end, but it's short and the shedding of clothing, i think, has more to do with portraying a quick moment of weakness or relaxation instead of sex), and she's also realistically strong--we see her break down a few times, because she's a human and there's a fucking alien killing everyone, but she's not some kind of über-lady GI jane hot ideological mess.

god, if you haven't seen this movie, you'd better. if not for the killer penis, for all of the creepiness and--shit. shit. i just remembered, the part when the land on the scary alien planet, the caves they go into look like huge vaginas. and the aliens are in the vagina caves. and the plant that shoots the soon-to-be boner monster out onto john hurt is definitely a vagina plant. god dammit. i guess it's inevitable.

(PS, for a more expansive look at the vagina-caves, please get barbara creed's book, the monstrous-feminine, because she definitely writes about it, and i'm assuming she says more than just "oh hey, that kind of looks like a vag")

i promise i'll write something with more intellectual merit soon. i can feel the critical eyes of all of my former professors sweeping down this page, clicking their tongues, trying to scratch shit in the margins, telling me my points are wacky, vague and reversible. the graduate's curse, right?

also, i just bought a pound of ham salad. chow time, buddies!

xx

eugenia